Your 8/9 Year Old Child

Your child has now had a few years experience in grade school and seems ready to take on the world! By this age, your child can now tell time, read for pleasure, use a library card, has a sense of right and wrong, and has a sense of humor. Also by this age, your child should take responsibility for chores, such as cleaning his or her room, helping with the dishes, or other household chores.

Caring for Your Child

As he or she continues to grow, continue encouraging healthy habits such as eating a well-balanced diet and getting regular exercise. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Be sure your child gets a nutritious start to his or her school day with foods that provide energy throughout his or her day. Limit television, computer and video game time to less than 2 hours per day. Be sure he or she is getting enough sleep and not staying up too late, especially on school nights.

You can continue to help your child develop emotionally and mentally by showing interest in his or her daily activities. Be a good role model and encourage positive behaviors. At this age, children are receptive to moral responsibility. Encourage your child to become involved in the community and help other people. This is a good time to introduce the concept of an allowance and guidance on how to use it, including input on how to save money. As a parent, learn how to recognize school problems including avoidance, short attention span, hyperactivity, disobedience or procrastination. Talk to us for more information.

At this age, establish fair and consistent household rules and guidelines, and never leave a child home alone.

Your Next Appointment

Your child’s next physical appointment will be at 10 years of age, or 9 years of age if a physical is required for sports, camping, or other activities. If your child has a chronic medical condition such as asthma, allergies or scoliosis, we will advise you on the timing of your next visit.

Sibling Arguments and Quarrels

Definition
Most siblings argue and bicker occasionally. They fight over possessions, space on the sofa, time in the bathroom, the last donut, and so on. Quarreling is an inevitable part of sibling relationships. On some days, brothers and sisters are rivals and competitors, but on most days they are friends and companions. The positive side on this sibling rivalry is that it gives children a chance to learn to give and take, share, and stand up for their rights.

Coping with Sibling Quarrels

Encourage children to settle their own disagreements. Have a rule: “Settle your own arguments but no hitting, property damage, or name calling.” The more you intervene, the more you will be called on to intervene. When possible, stay out of disagreements as long as they remain verbal. Children can’t go through life having a referee to resolve their differences. They need to learn how to negotiate with people and find the common ground. Arguing with siblings and peers provides this experience. The only exception is if they are both under 2 or 3 years of age and one of them is aggressive. At this age they do not understand the potential dangers of fighting and they need to be supervised more closely.
If they come to you, try to stay out of the middle. Try to keep your children from bringing their argument to you for an opinion. Remind them again to settle it themselves. If you do become involved, help them to clarify what they are arguing about. To achieve this, try to teach them to listen better. Encourage each child to describe the problem for 1 or 2 minutes without being interrupted by the other. If they still don’t understand the issue, reframe it for them. Unless there’s an obvious culprit, do not try to decide who is to blame, who started it, or who is right. Interrogation in this area can be counterproductive because it may cause them to exaggerate or lie. Also, do not impose a solution. Since it’s their problem, let them find their own solution whenever possible.
If an argument becomes too loud, do something about it. If the arguing becomes annoying or interferes with your ability to think, go to your children and tell them “I do not want to hear your arguing. Please settle your differences quietly or find another place to argue.” If they do not change at that point, send them to the basement, outdoors, or to time-out in separate rooms. If they are arguing over who gets to sit in the front seat of the car, have them both sit in the back seat. If they are arguing about going somewhere, cancel the trip for both.
Do not permit hitting, breaking things, or name calling. Under these circumstances punish both of your children. If they are hurting each other, send them both to time-out in separate places no matter who you see doing the hitting when you come on the scene. That may not be the person who took the first swing or provoked it. Name calling or teasing hurts people’s feelings and should never be allowed (e.g., calling a child who is not good in school “dummy”; one who wets the bed “smelly”). Derogatory comments such as these can be harmful to self-esteem and should not be permitted.
Stop any arguing that occurs in public places. If you are in a shopping mall, restaurant, or movie theater and your children begin arguing, you need to stop them because it is annoying to other people. If the arguing continues after a warning, separate them (e.g., by sitting between them). If that doesn’t work, give them a brief (2-to 5-minute) time-out outside or at an out-of-the-way spot. If they are over 4 or 5 years old, you can sometimes tell them to stop or they will get a 30-minute time-out (or 30-minute loss of television time) on arrival at home. Sometimes you will have to leave the public setting and take them home.
Protect each child’s personal possessions, privacy, and friendships. When children argue over toys, if the toy belongs to one of the children, return it to that child. Although children don’t have to share their possessions, warn them that sharing works both ways. For family “toys” (such as video games or board game) teach taking turns. Also teach sharing toys when friends come over. Sharing is a skill they will need in order to have friends and get along in school. Younger siblings often intrude on older siblings’ friendships and play. It is helpful if the younger sibling is provided with a playmate or special activity when your older child has a friend over. Your child’s study time also deserves protection from interruption. Designating a study room often helps.
Avoid showing favoritism. It is critical that all punishments for arguing or fighting be “group punishment.” Parents must avoid the myth that fighting is always started by the brother rather than the sister, by the older child rather than the younger one, or by the one child who is the “troublemaker.” Rivalry will be intense if the parent shows favoritism. Try to treat your children as unique and special individuals. Do not take sides. Do not compare them and do not polarize them into good ones and bad ones. Do not listen to tattling. If one of your children complains about your not being fair, either ignore this comment or restate the rule that has been broken. If you’re feeling guilty, remind yourself that “it all balances out.”
Praise cooperative behavior. Catch your children “being good,” namely, playing together in a friendly way. Give “group praise” whenever possible. Compliment them for helping each other and settling disagreements politely.

Instructions for Pediatric Patients, 2nd edition, 1999 by WB Saunders Company. Written by Barton Schmitt, M.D., pediatrician.

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